So, luckily this is only delayed by a few weeks, but I HAVE SUCCESSFULLY DONE IT, DEAR READER (because I know that there is only one of you), I HAVE FOLLOWED UP WITH A SECOND POST ON WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SERIES OF POSTS.
Now, someone get me my own column in Harper’s Bazaar and a senior editorial position at Refinery29.com please. I’ve made it.
Oh, that’s right, I haven’t even told you what this post is. It’s positive stuff! The good shit in my life. Because sometimes I (and everyone else) forget to remember that positivity does actually exist in my life, it’s not all missed gym trips and late phone bills and my socks slipping down underneath my heel in my shoes. I’ve got a good life! So, I’m going to think about that, and highlight what I’m happy about this month(ish).
My Favorite Murder
So, if you haven’t heard of this podcast, you really should investigate it. It’s really gotten me through some tough times lately. It’s been a welcome escape. It’s two gals with an interest in true crime and famous murder cases, and every week they just get together and discuss a murder that each of them has done some (loose) research on.
It’s super casual and super chatty, so if you’re looking for well-thought out, investigative pieces on crimes, you’re listening to the wrong podcast. Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark are just telling each other and their listeners about some crimes that interest them, the way you would discuss something with your friends. They do do research, but they’re more focused on the heart and humor of the stories than being perfectly factual.
And it is funny. It’s hilarious, and strangely-heartwarming and moving and I’ve cried during episodes and I’ve felt super empowered by episodes. Listen to the episode talking about Richard Ramirez (the Nightstalker) and how an entire neighborhood in California rose up to catch this fool and tell me your faith in people isn’t restored. Because what I get, a lot of times, from this podcast is that while we make so much out of the people who suck, for the most part, people don’t suck. People kind of rock a lot of times, and that’s pretty awesome.
Also, if you can’t understand why someone would want to listen to stories about true crime, I can’t explain it to you. It’s a sickness, probably born out of an anxiety and fear of being murdered and so you want to find out as much about it as you possibly can. Or maybe I’m just a budding sociopath. Either way.
The obvious pluses of being surrounded by drunken boozehounds aside, it is very nice that not only am I a bartender, but many of my friends are bartenders. We get together and we play with ingredients and throw shit together and sometimes it is fucking delicious (shout out to Tyler’s blue margarita and Marshall’s Ramos Gin Fizz, holla), and sometimes it tastes like the ball soup of a fat man not wearing underwear in the summer (my own Robitussin-inspired drink of the other night, whaa whaaaaa).
It makes me feel creative and constructive and it is so fun and I fucking love it and, the best part, DRINKING. Like, how awesome is it that this ended up being one of my major interests/hobbies/day jobs? I could have ended up collecting stamps and, no offense to anyone who collects stamps, but I cannot imagine anyone who does it has ever had sex ever in their life. Feel free to comment if I’m wrong, as I’m sure you stamp collectors are lovely people with humongous dongs. Or… pretty vaginas, I guess? I don’t really know what people look for in their vaginas, because personally I just look the other fucking way.
Kesha’s New Single
Listen, it’s called “Praying” it’s one iTunes, and it is beautiful and slow and I mean kind of fuck you to people who said she couldn’t sing. It is so nice to finally see some new music from this poor girl who has gone through so much. Except, not poor girl, that’s a bad choice of words on my part, because she is not just a victim, and reducing her to that is unfair to her.
It’s hard to talk about Kesha without talking about what has happened with her career the past few years, but if we did live in a vacuum, this song would be beautiful and phenomenal. Taken with everything else, I mean it’s pretty awe-inspiring. Super beautiful. I’m into it.
I mean, what did I ever do in the bathroom before these? Just fucking go? Read a shampoo bottle? Was I a barbarian? What was wrong with me? How did I live without knowing “What Your Taste in Coffee Says About Your Future Financial Situation?”
Clearly, these quizzes are completely scientific and tested through a series of clinics and long-term research and development. I mean, they have to be. I won’t hear anyone saying that my future husband won’t be determined based on my answers to five random questions, because that is bullshit. Buzzfeed says so.
Even when the quizzes are ridiculous and just when I think I have had enough of Buzzfeed’s nonsense, here they come with a quiz about which Britney Spears song I am and I’m totally sucked in again.
To close out this post, by the way, I have posted links to a handful of my favorite Buzzfeed quizzes for you to take!
(In the famous words of Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark) Stay sexy, and don’t get murdered.
(I got Madeline Mackenzie from Big Little Lies)
(I got blonde cuz duh)
(I got Tarquin Wimbleknob, which unfortunately is what I already call my left kneecap so I cannot use)